Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

I can’t remember where I first saw that prayer. It’s the Prayer of St. Francis (of Assisi), and not being a Catholic, or having any breath of Catholicism in me, I would never have learned it. But I have seen it, and each time it brings out a certain emotional state that is both wonderful and painful at the same time, and I think that state is rooted in the desire for the world to use the ideals contained in the prayer itself to conduct itself all the time. Regardless of whether you believe in an afterlife or not, God, a Universal Being, the Creator, Mother Nature, Buddha, or whatever – I think if we abided by the ideas of this prayer, the basic idea of which is that it is better to give than to take, then all things under heaven would be ours.

Someone asked me recently why I don’t have any goals. Why I don’t have ambition. My goals and ambitions however are so giant, that I don’t talk about them, people usually scoff or laugh, and sometimes I get reviled, especially by other American (Most of the claim the very idea of my ambitions are un-American). And really they are too giant for one person to accomplish. One of the wisest men to ever live once said “Be the change you want to see in the world”. And I am – every day. Generally, as the Yule Season approaches, people’s attitudes soften and they think more about charity, or practice random acts of kindness. It’s hard for me to deal with people however, on a personal level, and over the years it’s just become harder. Especially at this time of the year. All around you see people doing the “charity” thing. Businesses Big and Small, people wealthy and not, and, what I have trouble with is the hypocrisy of it. The fact that so many of them think “this time of year people need a little extra help”. But… that’s true ALL year. There are millions who are suffering needlessly. Why is that so MANY people only care at this point in the year? And not every day of the rest of the year. I am absolutely a poor person. I can barely afford certain things. I have to scrimp and save every single day. I saved my lunch money so that I could buy a better working lamp for my son Jason’s bedroom, because he needed it. And yet guess what? I still dump whatever change I have, into the first cup that I see. Over the years, I have volunteered at homeless shelters, forced my sons to do the same, to hand out blankets and serve food. Ive worked as a volunteer at AIDS Hospice centers in the Chicago area. I’ve been a volunteer for Meals on Wheels, and when I was a teen I organized the Shut-In service for seniors in our community who couldn’t get out in the winter. What I want to know is, why doesn’t EVERYONE do something of this nature year round as well? And don’t bother responding if you’re going to tell me that there are plenty of people who DON’T need that, they just live off the good will of others. I absolutely know that. Once, during the time that the boys and I weren’t almost on the street, I was at the gas station picking up some milk, gas and a couple things to tide us over (sometimes the quicky marts are waay cheaper on things than the actual stores) A seemingly homeless man asked for some spare change, whatever I could afford. I gave the guy 5 bucks. It was LOT for us. But I did it, because he looked tired, hungry, and lonely. I was hoping he would be able to at least get some Micky-D’s a block up and over. I pumped the gas I could afford, went in to pay the tab and get the stuff. When I came back out, I turned to throw out the receipt, and there at the corner of the building he was standing with a wad of rolled up bills bigger than my fist. I was livid. Its one of the few times that the boys have seen me have a verbal moment with a stranger. The upshot is he ignored what I was saying, got in his car and drove away. So yah, I know from first hand, there are PLENTY of people in the world who suck the life out of the rest of us because they don’t want to do honest work. Fine. While they suck I would rather that they win their little “con games” than one child ever went homeless. I would rather give all the spare change (by the way I mean generally whatever I have in my pockets short of large bills) I will ever have to every con man out there, than a parent ever had to explain to their child again that they would have to find a shelter to stay in for a while or that they never ever had to answer “There isn’t any…” when asked “Dad, what’s for dinner?”

When I say to people “I want world peace”… I actually mean it.

PS - I should add in here, I am not pointing a finger at any one person. Everyone that I talk to here has done plenty of the giving thing year round, thats not my point. I dont understand why *everyone* doesnt do it. Im not sure there is an explanation as to why either. Im just... pissy I guess.