The door opens and the chilled air so makes my diaphragm jump and my throat close in a shock of cold to my inside. Its been a cozy, closed sort of weekend. No worries about getting anything done, or running out for anything, so I am not completely prepared for the temperature outside. I shrivel a little bit inside as my outside shakes and adjusts to the changes. I always seem to do that in winter… cringe emotionally at the thought of the cold in front of me, the cold that lasts six months, and drapes this area in a perpetual gray and dinge. An over-coating of dirt cleaned from the air that coats the ground and buildings while the clouds do the same to the sky. Its slightly offensive what nature does to us this time of year in this region of the planet. I am not a fan of winter. I do like snowball fights and making snowmen every so often, but honestly the undertone of hurry up get there, get out of my way that permeates this season is often annoying. Part of me, the Grinch-like part, wants to yell and scream at people get out of the way, what have you got to be happy about… the bills, the job, the blahblahblah that makes things dreary. The other part secretly revels in the bright lights and the fact that snow is fluffy and soft and can be “whooshed” out of the way. The same part that is always happy to see the lights from last season still up now… the part that is still a boy and cant wait to see what’s under the tree, or the sparkly presents that will appear magically sometimes beforehand. The ones with the pretty bows and metallic-tinfoil like wrapping paper that reflects the lights in a million different ways each time you turn the presents.

The adult part of me however, scoffs at the presents, in favor of frugality and fewer lung-searing cold moments. Scoffs at the fever and fervor to provide the magic that goes with the season. Magic that seems to be associated with financial fluidity. The adult parts frown and glower at the giddiness that the boy in me gets from the season.

It’s funny though, those parts have magically combined several times before. When the boys were little, I used to wait until Christmas Eve to make “the magic” happen. I would buy and hide presents, then on Christmas Eve, after all the family activity was done and they were off to sugar-plum-land, I would break out the tree, decorate it, wrap all the presents, decorate the house, block off the room with the presents and tree with wrapping paper, and make it look like Santa had been there to do it all. That look in their eyes, that sharp “oh-my-god” in-take of breath and the saucer-shaped eyes. I can’t imagine a look of such pure joy at any other moment in my life. And I love those moments. So much so that the adult part almost sighs in disgust throws up his hands and stomps off to the corner until January when he can point and say “HA! I TOLD YOU THIS TIME OF YEAR SUCKS!” and wait for the “Not so much! I got Lego’s for Christmas!”

What lengths have you gone to for your loved ones for the holidays?