It starts as a low, dull pressure in my head. More like a sluggishness than anything else, much like you feel when you haven’t slept well, and not all the pistons are firing yet. However, it’s not suggestive of the horrific pain that comes later on. Its indeterminate what it is, you just know that you don’t seem to be with it yet. Then when you stop trying to figure out what it is that’s making things misfire and go on about your day, suddenly there is the immediate, sharp sensation of a dagger being thrust into your skull and the point stopping just behind your eyes. At the same time it feels as though an 8-foot tall man has doubled up his fist and is slamming you in the side of your head with the meat hooks he refers to as hands. You see stars every so often and get nauseous, and the rooms tilt in ways that you associate with supposed “fun houses”. Loud sound (like your own whisper) makes the giant happy and gleeful and he pounds harder and the light that was initially your friend when you got out of bed to get dressed and go on about your day is now you worst enemy. It feels like the rays are actually high-intensity lasers aimed straight at your brain, so you quickly close your eyes and turn away from the penetrating light of what can only be a thousand suns. Only this maneuver has moved your head so now it feels like two giants and you can actually feel the throbbing in your head because the pain is so bad. You cant move you cant talk you can’t open your eyes, all you want to do is lay in bed and hope that magically it goes away. Knowing you can’t wait that long however, you take every medication known to man in an effort to drive away the pain, yet nothing is helping. Hot showers, cold splashes, ice packs, steam filled rooms… nothing is clearing the literally mind-blowing pain you are suffering. It. Wont. Stop. Finally thankfully, you pass out in bed only to wake hours later bathed in sweat and still in pain, only thank god its not the same as before. You drink water, take the magnesium that your grandmother said would ward off more of the issue that has caused you pain, followed by the entire contents of the super-mega-sized bottle of ibuprobfens you bought at Wally World for $1.95. You hope that with more, relief comes sooner. Eventually (sometimes after days of the pain) it subsides and the world retracts to normal. You think God Almighty the pain is gone and apologize to the universe for whatever grave injustice you performed to deserve this treatment. Honestly when the pain is gone, sometimes there are teary moments where you really do bow down and kiss the floor so to speak over the release from pain.

This is a migraine folks. For those of you who have never had one, I hope, no matter who you are, you never do – I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. For those who have had them, you have my sympathy. I get them about once every three months or so. It used to be once a month. Before that it was once a week. And for the first three years after Ritalin, it was once a day. Thank you modern chemistry. On many fronts really, sarcastically and not of course. Because really… who would want to have Karma land on their face again?