Ton – “a unit of weight, equivalent to 2000 pounds (0.907 metric ton) avoirdupois (short ton) in the U.S. and 2240 pounds (1.016 metric tons) avoirdupois (long ton) in Great Britain.”

That’s the definition of the measurement of weight we call a ton. It varies from country to country, but that’s the official ruling from Dictionary.com. Did you know, or where you aware that here in the United States, (and possibly abroad as well) that there are several variations of that weight?

First there is “A Ton” which is obviously a lot of weight. Such as "I have a ton of work to do, and its 3 oclock on a Friday." Then there’s “A Crap Ton” which is somewhat more than just “a ton” because… well now you have all that crap (like .. MAN thats a CRAP ton of laundry to do) on top of the ton. There’s also “A Shit Ton” which is even heavier than a “Crap Ton” because now you have the crap on top of the ton but it was SOO much crap that you had to swear about it. Even heavier still however is a “Fuck Ton”. A “Fuck Ton” is soo much weight that you might as well not even bother moving whatever it is, you’re better off just decorating it and calling it art work. Or furniture. Like "That is a FUCK ton of snow. There is no way in hell its getting moved, we'll wait for the thaw."

However the largest recorded measurement is most definitely a “Cosmic Fuck Ton”. This measurement is relative to weights that only Superman is allowed to carry, and that anyone with this much to lift and bear had better have some damn good health insurance and an equal amount of tequila to share because we’re getting drunk before AND after we move it :D

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On a side note, thank you one and all for your positive notes and pep talks. :D I seriously appreciate every single one of them. It’s nice to have Peeps :D.

Edited to Add - Cosmic Fuck Ton Cubed - new measurement of pain level created by this wonderful lady druing her current back situation. GWS